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                    四種最“可怕”的媽媽,直接影響孩子的成長,有你嗎?

                    作者: 17know 分類: 早教 發布時間: 2018-12-11
                      現實生活中,很多爸爸忙于事業的拼搏,媽媽參與養育孩子的比重更大些。什么樣類型的媽媽養育什么樣的孩子,媽媽的性格對孩子的成長影響非常大。
                     
                      下面列舉4種不利于孩子成長的媽媽,中槍的媽媽及時改正吧!
                     
                      01
                     
                      冷漠嚴酷型媽媽
                     
                      容易養成孤獨型孩子
                     
                      ●媽媽的表現
                     
                      有些媽媽在情感上稍顯冷漠。她也許本來就沒想要孩子,或許潛意識中把孩子看作自己不幸的根源。這種媽媽很少抱孩子,對孩子非常嚴厲,有些冷酷型單親媽媽缺乏良好的情感疏通渠道,處于孤獨的抑郁狀態,對孩子的態度也是冷漠相待。
                     
                      ●孩子心態
                     
                      孤獨兒童通常性格冷漠甚至冷酷,缺乏對生活的熱情和追求。他們有的在事業上很成功,物質需求淡薄,獨立并富于忍耐。但是,他們的婚姻生活通常充滿曲折。常見的被配偶抱怨成冷血動物、冷酷無情的人,多半是孤獨型人格。
                     
                      孩子是非常需要愛和撫摸的,在國外,撫摸和擁抱甚至是治療兒童孤獨癥的重要手段,家長刻意孤立孩子,不與他進行身體接觸安撫,于他于己,都說不過去。
                     
                      02
                     
                      控制型媽媽:
                     
                      容易養成回避型孩子
                     
                      ●媽媽的表現
                     
                      出于愛護孩子的本能,或者出于難以掌控自己的生活而產生的怕遭到遺棄的恐懼,以及對孩子的過度依戀,有些媽媽內心渴望完全掌控孩子的行為,而難以忍受與孩子的片刻分離。
                     
                      ●孩子的心態
                     
                      這樣的情況特別容易產生距離兒童。他們不害怕親近,但總是小心保持自己與他人的距離;他們允許媽媽抱,但同時總是把臉扭到一邊,不讓媽媽親。因為他們害怕過于親近會使自己無法從媽媽的控制中逃脫。
                     
                      ?成長的煩惱
                     
                      距離兒童成人后,容易形成回避型人格。他們下意識地通過各種方法來回避家庭生活:
                     
                      長時間忙于工作,偏愛經常出差的工作,或總是埋頭看書、看報、看電視。
                     
                      他們需要自己的空間,最喜歡那種來去自由的關系,當配偶企圖保待一種親密狀態,或有進一步需求時,他們便會立即退縮,甚至生氣:“你怎么沒完沒了?你要求得太多了。”
                     
                      每個人都應該有自己的生活,你和孩子“相依為命”只是暫時的,把孩子當作自己的“小愛人”,只會使自己和孩子都感到一種無形的束縛。
                     
                      03
                     
                      忽略型媽媽:
                     
                      容易養成追求型孩子
                     
                      ●媽媽的表現
                     
                      有些媽媽因為忙,或許是性格使然,表現出缺乏耐心的一面,她們總想快點從教育孩子的負擔中解脫出來,所以,鼓勵甚至強迫孩子過早地開始探索和獨立。
                     
                      ●孩子心態
                     
                      幼兒獨立嘗試對世界的探索時,如果得不到來自父母的情感支持,就容易造成他對獨立的恐懼。他們知道如何通過討好媽媽做出好孩子的樣子,或找出各種借口來贏得媽媽的注意力。他們缺乏必要的安全感,害怕離開媽媽,需要不斷反復地確認是否有人隨時都在關心自己。
                     
                      成長的煩惱
                     
                      這樣的孩子,成年后通常表現出追求型人格。他們害怕被拋棄,為了保持與配偶的親密關系,總是力圖取悅對方,為對方做一切力所能及的事,成為“賢妻良母”或“模范丈夫”。
                     
                      但這種關系卻可能會使對方感到窒息,而自己也常常吃力不討好,暗自傷心,感嘆“活得太累”。
                     
                      除了教,孩子仍是需要“養”的。幫助孩子建立正面的自信,需要媽媽足夠的耐心,同樣需要足夠的時間,這點上似乎沒有捷徑可走。
                     
                      04
                     
                      矛盾多變型媽媽:
                     
                      容易養成依戀型孩子
                     
                      ●媽媽的表現
                     
                      有些媽媽因為經濟上的壓力,承擔著繁忙的工作,對孩子依戀的需要,有時能滿足,有時則迫于無奈忍痛“割愛”;加之重壓下的媽媽,自己情緒也難以穩定,有時不免冷淡煩躁,有時對孩子又呵護有加。
                     
                      ●孩子的心態
                     
                      這樣的環境很難幫助孩子建立起穩定的安全感。潛意識里,他會認為,只有不斷哭鬧,才能得到自己所需要的愛和關注,并經常感到愉快、滿足和憤怒、傷心交替出現,不由地對媽媽形成愛恨并存的矛盾情感。
                     
                      成長的煩惱
                     
                      這些孩子成人后,一旦進入親密關系,依戀傾向就會明顯表現出來:
                     
                      他們對親密接觸的要求似乎永無止境,往往要求對方時時刻刻關注自己,難以容忍絲毫的忽視和冷遇。他們習慣性地使用生氣、吵鬧和威脅等手段,迫使異性關心自己,滿足自己的心理需要,強烈的不安全感使他們心生嫉妒和猜疑,無論對方如何表白,他們都無法真正地信任對方。
                     
                      日常生活里,媽媽要努力避免這種自相矛盾的不穩定的情感和情緒表達,在言語和行為上多給予孩子肯定,讓孩子知道,不管媽媽怎么忙,他都始終如一地擁有媽媽的愛。

                    如果覺得我的文章對您有用,請隨意打賞。您的支持將鼓勵我繼續創作!

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